Little Mouths, Big City: Feeding kids in Tokyo

My husband and I have both visited Tokyo several times before, so we were familiar with many of the idiosyncrasies of dining out (Japanese customs, culture and etiquette being complex as it is) but we still had apprehensions about how the kids would fare. 

How do you navigate a city whose restaurant culture runs several layers deep in ritual and unspoken rule, with a toddler who has declared war on anything that isn't beige? How do you explain chopsticks, vending machine ticket systems and low tatami seating to a three-year-old, while not disgracing yourself in front of a chef who has spent thirty years perfecting a single dish?

We found that it's easier than you might think. But it helps to know what you're walking into. 

The city that takes food seriously

Tokyo has more Michelin stars than any other city on the planet. It also has more convenience stores (konbini) per square kilometre than almost anywhere. These two facts speak to the same underlying truth that the Japanese regard for food quality is consistent and non-negotiable, regardless of the format. The food you and your children will encounter, whether it emerges after a vending machine ticket system in a ramen chain, from a konbini fridge, or a 6-seat counter restaurant on the 5th floor in Ginza, will almost certainly be good. 

What to expect when you walk in

Japanese culture rewards a certain attentiveness, and even basic awareness of the conventions will make the experience smoother. The first thing to understand is that Japanese restaurants are often highly specialised. A ramen shop serves ramen. A yakitori restaurant serves skewers. A sushi counter serves sushi. As with so many things in creative cultures here, mastery is the point.

For families, this specialisation can be useful because can read a restaurant before you commit to it. Most mid-range places have plastic food models in the window (an art form unto itself!) so can see what it does. The sheer number of options means you can almost always find something that suits your family's preferences.

Shoes come off at the entrance to the more traditional restaurants as well as any establishment with tatami seating. For this reason, always wearing socks - and ones without holes - are a must when travelling to Japan.

Low table seating on tatami mats is probably I would personally think carefully about with crawling babies or restless little ones, because you could be spending your dinner constantly retrieving a small person from a neighbouring table.

My friend Hiroshi also explains that "bambinos at lunch with mums in restaurants is not really a done thing here like it is in London, which is why you don't find many baby chairs etc."

Thankfully, the Japanese tolerance for small children in restaurants is, in the experience of most visiting parents, considerably higher than the formality of the setting might suggest.

Above: Nervously trying puffer fish for the first time!

The ticket machine system

The shokken vending machine, typically positioned just inside the entrance of ramen shops, tonkatsu counters and certain casual lunch spots, is the system that most unnerves first-time visitors but that kids love. You pay, press the button next to your dish, a ticket prints, you hand it to the staff when seated, your food arrives. 

Most machines have enough visual information to navigate without Japanese. Your children, freed of the social pressure that you will feel to get the order in quickly as the queue starts to build behind you, will find it fun. 

Where to eat: knowing your formats

Izakaya are the closest you'll get to a Japanese pub, in that they are sociable, noisy and informal, and in many ways, one of the more family-compatible formats available.  Menus are broad enough to find something for almost everyone. 

Counter seating is the format that requires the most thought and may be impossible for little ones. My 3-year old is just about okay sitting on a backless high stool now, but it still makes me nervous that he'll fall off especially when he starts getting restless. But it works beautifully with older children who are curious to see how the food is being made. If you're in Harajuku and like noodles, you'll love Afuri's yuzu ramen.

The set lunch, or teishoku, served at countless neighbourhood spots, is one of the best formats for families. A fixed price brings a main, rice, miso soup and pickles. It arrives quickly, it is complete, and it rarely exceeds what a child will recognise as an ordinary meal structure. When you're in Omotesandō area, we love Brown Rice for a simple, healthy veg-filled set lunch.

Chopstick diplomacy 

There's no shame in asking for a fork. Children who want to try chopsticks will be watched with genuine warmth by surrounding tables. But there is chopstick etiquette worth knowing. Don't pass food chopstick to chopstick (a funeral gesture), don't stand them upright in rice, don't point with them. They are not rules that will get you thrown out, but knowing them shows respect.

Above: slowly getting the hang of chopsticks

What to order

The most practical way to introduce children to Japanese food is to start where the flavours feel approachable and move outward from there. The dishes that serve this purpose really well are:

• Kara-age, the Japanese style of fried chicken. Children who will eat fried chicken, will eat kara-age. It arrives at izakayas, at casual family restaurants, and at convenience stores.
• Gyoza, pan-fried dumplings, are another reliable entry point. The crispy base, the soft top, the slightly yielding filling: it is a texture combination that tends to land well.
• Katsu, the breaded and fried cutlet, typically pork or chicken, served with rice and a dark, thick sauce, is the dish that will feel most immediately familiar to any child who has spent time at Wagamama. Katsu-don, the same cutlet served in a bowl over rice with egg, is one of Japan's great comfort dishes.
• Ramen. Ippudo, a ramen chain with locations across Tokyo is noisy, fast-moving and unbothered by small children. These are restaurants that will not judge the mess. 

A special note on Japanese bakeries which are a great shout for carb-filling in a way that's recognisable. Japan does a really good bakery, and you can find plenty of savoury fillings.

Above: Japanese bakeries are always a winner

When you need a different gear

Not every meal needs to be an exercise in cultural immersion though. A couple of 'international' recommendations:

The uber-stylish Trunk Hotel in Shibuya has an excellent pizza restaurant.

Bill's, the Australian institution that opened in Tokyo (same group as London's Granger & Co) has everyone's favourites and a specific kids menu.

Moss Burger is the Japanese fast-food chain that surprises almost everyone who approaches it with low expectations, even in a city where even the baseline is high.

Also, look out for branches of Maisen whose pork cutlet and egg sandwich on fluffy white milk bread is an institution unto itself and our kids loved it.

Frey’s and Napoli Sta' Ca are reliable indie pizza spots. And some of the chains like Saizeriya and Jonathan’s have robots serving out the food!

Above: familiar and fresh family favourites at Bill's

The legendary convenience store

The konbini, specifically 7-Eleven, Lawson and FamilyMart, were our saviour. The onigiri alone, rice balls plain or wrapped in seaweed and filled with everything from tuna mayo to pickled plum, are a category of snacking that most children will adopt within the first day. (My husband was once taken to the factory that makes the sandwiches for Lawson and he couldn't believe how immaculately clean the production facility was and how carefully made the sandwiches are. A petrol station sarnie this is not!) Hot food cases near the register, offering steamed nikuman buns and the previously mentioned kara-age, are available at most hours.

For families with very young children or babies, the konbini is also a practical resource for formula, pouched baby food and snacks. This connects to a broader point: Japanese restaurants are, on the whole, unbothered by parents who bring their own purées or pouches for babies and very young children. If you are weaning and genuinely uncertain, bring what you need. 

Above: Onigiri - the ultimate snack for on-the-go

What the locals actually do

What do Japanese parents do? The expectation that children exist separately from adult dining life, shuttled off to a menu that begins and ends with chicken nuggets, is not a Japanese concept. Children eat what adults eat, in smaller portions.

"We always ordered the same things for our children that we ordered ourselves," says Keiko, a Tokyo-based food writer and mum of two. "A little miso soup, some soft tofu, rice." My friend Hiroshi tells me, "When my daughter was really small, we would bring mini-onigiri (stuffed rice balls) to restaurants and they didn't seem to mind us popping them into her mouth periodically." 

A final note on failure

Of course there will be a meal (or several) that doesn't go well. What Tokyo offers, uniquely I think, is the recovery meal: the konbini two doors down. The city appreciates that you gave it a go, and then it feeds you well anyway. 

Discover Lucy's full 4-day itinerary in Tokyo with kids.